Monday, November 14, 2011
Happy 33rd
Happy birthday my love. I miss you. Dallin was saying that he was glad that you got to stay the way you are forever because he "just likes the way you are"... I would have to agree, although I wish I could have grown old with you. I would have loved to be an old grandparent with you! I hope you get to celebrate and possibly have a piece of pumpkin cheese cake and maybe some peach sherbet to enjoy the day. We did some things together today and I think it was good, but I sure missed you. I love you.
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11 comments:
i love reading your blog.. you are doing a great job raising those kids. i am so proud of you.. your wife would be so proud of you! you are a great example to everyone!
Happy Birthday sweet Wendy! Thinking and praying for you Denny all the time!
Love Chris and Julie Burton
How Tender!
You are a great example and support to your children and I know your sweet wife is EVER SO proud of you!!
What a very nice journal entry. You are doing a wonderful job!
I follow your blog through my friend ashley sullenger. You post are so honest and sweet. I need some advice on who to comforta friend, her husband was declared brain dead last night and he is going to be taken off life support. They have three kids and one on the way. What was the most comforting thing you recieved at this most tender time? I feel helpless, and I want to give some comfort to my friend.
I am not sure how to respond to Cyclomom other than commenting on my own post.
As far as items that were nice, there were two books I got, one from a sister in the ward (church group) and the other from a close friend. The books were a compilation of what our friends and people that knew Wendy wished to say about her and memories they had with her. That was special and honestly anything that I know that will tell my kids more about who their mother is and how she came across to others is of great value to me.
Now, as far as what she would benefit from most... everyone is different, and every situation is different. Especially coming from a man's POV versus what she may need, might be totally different. But I will share what I think might be good to know. Don't ask her what you can do for her, just find out and do it. Please understand I am not being negative at all here, but there are many very dear people that ask that and she doesn't know. If she is anything like me, she is only thinking about what just happened and about her love and trying to the best of her limited ability to plan for whatever she can. Take care of all the physical things with her kids so she can just process some things. For me, I just needed to think and after the kids went to bed and some days still, i just needed and need to grieve in my own way by myself. Not everyone is that way I am sure, but it is the only thing that gives me strength to be "normal" around others. Try to put yourself in her shoes, if someone asked you how they can help, what would you say? I never had an answer and for a guy, it is tough to assign things like that, I don't know, maybe some women are better at that. The other thing that I would say is to just be there and be consistent. There will come a day very soon when the shock of it wears off in her neighbors life and they go back to life as normal, but hers will never be that way again... don't ever assume that it will, it just won't, and that is something she will figure out on her own, but be there for her through that, even when she is smiling and acting normal, the truth is she is still thinking about him in every thought and will never be the same person again, and not all of it is sad thoughts, some of that is in good ways. I certainly don't look at death with the fear that I used to, and my perspective on eternal marriage is better I think.
It is not my intention to be negative in any way here, I am not, I am just trying to be straight forward. I have been blessed with some incredible support through this, and I hope she has that as well. It sounds like you are great and I wish her the best through this thing that will be the most difficult thing she will face, but it is easier with friends and people like you to look out for her.
This may be more than you bargained for, I hope it helps you. might have been easier to email something this long, but it wasn't supposed to be this long. I am by no means an expert in this, and to be honest, I wish I knew nothing about it, but the fact is it is something that only she will know what she needs... and not even that right away. Thank you for your comments as well.
-Denny
May the Lord be near you always and bless you as you raise those beautiful children. I know your wife is so proud of you and the job you are doing.
I am inspired every time i read a post from you. Each post is truly beautiful. My heart hurts when i think of the situation, and all you and your little ones are enduring. My prayers are with you. Might i add... i think you are being a wonderful Mr. Mom... Your kids are very lucky to have such a dad and Wendy... i am positive she is very proud!
XOXO
Denny, your response to cyclomom was a veryvery helpful message. It's so hard to know what to do when close friends/family experiences tragedies. It's almost a knee-jerk reaction to ask, "is there anything I can do to help?" But your advice - just find out what can be done and DO it - is perfect.
By the way - you really are an incredible writer. I know you're planning on going to medical school, but seriously - you could do something with writing!
Happy belated birthday Wendy. I didn't forget. I stopped by here to post my "hi" back in November, but I somehow deleted it and thought I would stop by later. Later is right. As I was reading the other day through my journal,I found an entry about my own birthday, my 12th. I wrote about you in that entry. I invited you and Sarah to my party.You gave me a night shirt, and I loved it. I wrote about you and what a wonderful friend you were and what your friendship meant to me. I had forgotten about that day. I'm glad I wrote it down. My memory of you is no different than what I felt & wrote that day. You're a wonderful person. Happy Birthday. Denny, as always, thanks for sharing! Yarley
Denny,
Thank you for your words of wisdom and advice. I'm not one to deal with grief with any amount of grace or experience, but your reply was truly helpful. I would have to echo the writing career comment, you have a way with words. God bless you and your family.
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