Half a year. I have been without her for more than 6 months. I told myself early that counting the days or months would not be productive, but I can’t help but notice that 6 months has gone by without her. There are some moments I still have to confirm in my thoughts that this is really what has happened. Some days I come home and have a small instance where I fully expect her to be there and I have to remind myself of the reality. I can’t tell you how often I see her in the corner of my eye and it doesn’t seem odd to me that I turn expecting to see her there and then just as quickly remember. Those times really aren’t any harder, they are just more reminders. I miss her, that goes without saying. In some ways it is harder, in others it is easier with time.
The kids still talk a lot about her and Maylee and sometimes say some things that really throw me for a loop. Their perspective of life is so much different than what I thought about at their age. Evan doesn’t ask where mommy is anymore, he will often say out of the blue that “Mommy and Maylee died, huh Daddy” He still comments often on how cute Maylee was. Kenna will still talk about it more than the other two, she often wants to go buy them dresses for when they come back… we have had several conversations on that, but she still asks. I think she gets it in her own way but there are times that I worry I am not being as clear, but I don’t feel there is any reason to be concerned. It is a process. Dallin talks mainly about things he remembers us doing together as do the other two. I like hearing their memories and I hope they all stay vivid and fresh for them to have always.
Wendy’s birthday is in a few days. I don’t really know how to celebrate it… I just know that it will be with those three little ones that each have so much of her in their individual ways. Whether it is Dallin’s caring heart and concern for what others are feeling, Kenna’s delight in everything beautiful, or little Evan’s sense of humor, they are all made up of the best parts of her and I am glad I have them to remind me.
10 comments:
I am a total stranger to you but came across a link to your blog when your wife passed away. My heart goes out to your family and I am sorry for your HUGE loss. But, I am inspired by your strength and testimony and I look forward to each new blog entry. As far as celebrating Wendy's birthday, I'm sure you will come up with something perfect for your little family. I had a couple of ideas pop into my mind and thought I'd share them. If you don't want ideas from outsiders (and complete strangers at that), just hit the delete button. (: (: (:
1)Have each of you write a message on a helium balloon and release them....sending your messages to heaven for your beautiful wife and mommy of your children.
2)Celebrate by doing some of her favorite things- maybe watching her favorite movie, eating at her favorite restaurant, making her favorite kind of cake, etc.
3)Maybe make/start a journal where you could all write entries on special occasions like birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.
4)Watch home videos of your family-unless that is still too painful right now.
I'm sorry if I crossed any lines by offering a couple of ideas, but wanted to do it anyways, knowing you can take them or leave them.
Best wishes for the upcoming holidays. I'm sure it will be hard to be without your beautiful wife and baby daughter but I hope you can feel them near and that the Lord will give you all the peace and comfort you need and deserve.
I always look forward to your posts, because they are beautifully written and inspire hope. You will come up with something wonderful to do to celebrate Wendy's life. Good luck!
I think about Hermana Kimball and your sweet family all the time! I am so grateful for your blog entries-they are so beautifully written and i love to hear how you are all doing! I hope her birthday is a beautiful day for your family and i hope you feel the many prayers that are being offered for you and your children!
Happy birthday Wendy-
Love
Hermana camie (bartholomew) Walworth
I love reading about a father's perspective in the midst of such a tough trial. It's inspiring that you are figuring things out and trying to stay positive. I often wonder how my husband would have handled things if it would have been me who passed instead of him. He was a very good daddy, and reading your blog reassures me he would have been ok, but not totally ok, without me. :) keep moving!
My father passed away when I was little. Every year on his birthday my mother would bake his favorite cake and we would take it to his grave eat it and talk about memories. I loved having this tradition and I look forward to it every year.
Oh Denny, I just have to tell you that a Desert Book ad came in the mail for Wendy. Randy and I were glancing thru it and found one of his favorite pictures on sale. It's the picture of Christ looking over Jerusalem. It's Randy's birthday in a few days too......I bought him the picture. Wendy is still touching our lives in so many little ways. I too believe you'll find the perfect way to celebrate Wendy's birthday and thank her for helping me find such a special gift for my sweetheart. I hope you'll share the story with us. Love, Sheila
Happy Birthday Wendy! Denny, you are doing such a wonderful job with the little ones! Please know you are always in my heart and in my prayers and remember the two beautiful angels that are always with you!
My mother passed away when I was 6 years old. I remember it being weird and not understanding everything. My Dad was a big help in the beginning. After my dad remarried, it quickly turned into something we didn't talk about. You letting them talk about it and agknowledging that it hurts and recognizing special days, even after many years have gone by will go far in their understanding and growth. Death is a fact of life some of us have to learn early, but, talk, talk, talk will make the healing. I love what you are doing, you are so inspiring
Happy birthday Wendy- you have a wonderful family and husband. Denny- I know Wendy is proud of you. I pray for your family all the time. I really loved Wendy and miss her friendship
The six month mark is really hard. I think we all struggle with the realities we have to face in this trial, but you are doing a great job. If it makes you feel any better, my little girl makes similar comments about her Daddy. I think they are very common. Keep up the good work and know that you are not alone. Your sweet wife is watching closely and is very proud of you.
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