Happy 33rd

Happy birthday my love. I miss you. Dallin was saying that he was glad that you got to stay the way you are forever because he "just likes the way you are"... I would have to agree, although I wish I could have grown old with you. I would have loved to be an old grandparent with you! I hope you get to celebrate and possibly have a piece of pumpkin cheese cake and maybe some peach sherbet to enjoy the day. We did some things together today and I think it was good, but I sure missed you. I love you.

Counting Anyway

Half a year. I have been without her for more than 6 months. I told myself early that counting the days or months would not be productive, but I can’t help but notice that 6 months has gone by without her. There are some moments I still have to confirm in my thoughts that this is really what has happened. Some days I come home and have a small instance where I fully expect her to be there and I have to remind myself of the reality. I can’t tell you how often I see her in the corner of my eye and it doesn’t seem odd to me that I turn expecting to see her there and then just as quickly remember. Those times really aren’t any harder, they are just more reminders. I miss her, that goes without saying. In some ways it is harder, in others it is easier with time.

The kids still talk a lot about her and Maylee and sometimes say some things that really throw me for a loop. Their perspective of life is so much different than what I thought about at their age. Evan doesn’t ask where mommy is anymore, he will often say out of the blue that “Mommy and Maylee died, huh Daddy” He still comments often on how cute Maylee was. Kenna will still talk about it more than the other two, she often wants to go buy them dresses for when they come back… we have had several conversations on that, but she still asks. I think she gets it in her own way but there are times that I worry I am not being as clear, but I don’t feel there is any reason to be concerned. It is a process. Dallin talks mainly about things he remembers us doing together as do the other two. I like hearing their memories and I hope they all stay vivid and fresh for them to have always.

Wendy’s birthday is in a few days. I don’t really know how to celebrate it… I just know that it will be with those three little ones that each have so much of her in their individual ways. Whether it is Dallin’s caring heart and concern for what others are feeling, Kenna’s delight in everything beautiful, or little Evan’s sense of humor, they are all made up of the best parts of her and I am glad I have them to remind me.

Tooth Fairy Gone AWOL

This morning at about 6:30 I woke up to Dallin with a panicked look on his face (from what I could see with blurry eyes anyway) He was holding the tooth he pulled out last night and telling me that the tooth fairy didn’t come… my turn to be panicked. My thoughts raced for a minute.

“Maybe he couldn’t find it because your room is so messy.” I said

With a short pause and a look of relief, he asks “Dad, can I clean my room today?”

...Genius!

“yes,” I say “after you do your homework, you can clean your room” (said trying to suppress my grin.)

Talk about turning tragedy into triumph! Whatever else happens today at least it started with an epic win!

Last night Dallin said he thought it was time for this tooth to come out. He walked out of the room and came back about an hour later and said grinning with a new gap in his smile "Dad, I just punched myself and it came right out"

...Well, that's one way to do it... just sorry me and my camera missed that one boy battle!

Let's hope the tooth fairy remembers tonight.