June 15th. Today is Maylee's original due date. I think about the completely different day I had today than what I had planned and talked about with my wife. It was a good day as far as days go lately, the kids played outside with friends and even stayed a little later because I just couldn't end their fun early. As I think back to the conversations we had about today though, it looks and feels nothing like those plans. There are moments when I just ache that Kenna didn't get that little baby sister or am missing being able to see Evan and his tenderness with a little baby living with us. I was watching some home videos today and I forget how fun those little tiny things can be and how much I enjoy the cuddly times with them and when they aren't saying "no, daddy, I do it" all the time. Don't mistake me, I am absolutely loving each stage my little ones are in, but I do love those new baby stages too. I am sad that I am not able to share those with Maylee and Wendy right now. There are high moments and low moments and there really is no rhyme or reason to when one will start and the other will end, but I feel that each day brings a little more peace with it and a little less intense pain. I miss Wendy, that is something that will never change. It is becoming more real and less debilitating with every new turn, but missing her doesn't change. I like to think about what today might have been like, but I don't dwell on it. I do know there is a plan in here somewhere and I am keeping my eyes, ears, and heart open to what there is to continually learn from this and what Wendy would like me to be doing right now instead of spending too much mental real estate on what could have been today. I love you little Maylee, I so look forward to spending more time with you some day and being your Daddy.
Such a sweet and tender little girl, I love this picture of my two baby girls
41 comments:
it's been a little while since i've visited your blog....was grateful to read all your posts since the first one about wendy and maylee. what beautiful and precious pictures of maylee with each of you! Dave and I think of you often and keep you in our prayers. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and love for your wife and daughter.
Love~ Dara and Dave Campbell
Such a beautiful little angel! My heart aches for you and your family. I'm so glad to hear how your family is doing and that you are willing to share such a close & personal experience as this. Thank you for sharing such sweet pictures of your Maylee. She truly is an angel and I know you'll see her & Wendy again someday. You are in our prayers. All our love, The Southworths
A friend of mine linked up your blog since the passing of your wife and daughter and I have read as you have found your way through this heartache. I lost my son at birth in 2009 and the pain of that loss has made it hard to breath at times. I can only imagine the pain you feel with the loss of your sweet Wendy and daughter. I am so sorry. There are no words that can make it better and make the pain go away. There were times in my grief that my heart physically hurt from the emotional pain. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Someone asked me if Heavenly Father's love was present in our trial, and looking back it truly was. We are blessed with that knowledge. Maylee is beautiful. I truly believe we will get to raise our little ones someday, it just doesnt take the ache away today. Again, I am so sorry.
Thank you for all of your beautiful and touching posts. Little Maylee is a beautiful little angel.
It must be so hard not to have them in your life right now but at the same time such a relief to know that you WILL be with them again someday.
I love the quote..."The best way to feel Heaven in your home, is to have someone one you love in Heaven."
My prayers are with you and your family.
SO precious and cute!! :)
Denny, you don't know me, but I wanted to thank you for sharing your experience and your thoughts about your unbelievable trial of losing your wife and beautiful baby girl. We live in San Diego. We are praying for you and you sweet family! My name is Bonnie Martin (I am a grandma).
Your family is gorgeous Denny. Our Heavenly Father, I am sure, is smiling at all you are doing and cannot wait to bless you in the eternities.
So precious, thank you for sharing these with us. Wendy would be so proud of you for keeping up on her blog.
What precious pictures! I am glad you have them! We are glad to hear of your beautiful family and how much Wendy and Maylee mean to you. Bruce LOVED serving with your Wendy in Tuscon. Thank you for your willingness to share your close personal experiences with all of us. We pray for you daily and hope you can find comfort in your life each day.
The Ingleby's.
What a beautiful testimony you have and such a beautiful family! I am so happy you have those photos of your sweet baby daughter with your other children, as well as yourself. Our family is praying for you, as well. Stay in good spirits and remember your family is forever!! Much love from our family to yours.
What a wonderful blessing you were given to be able to spend some time with your precious Maylee and get some photos that will be cherished for years. God Bless you and your family!
What beautiful girls you have. Thank You so much for sharing these pictures with us.
You are amazing, you give so many of us strength to get through hard times. She is beautiful. These pictures are adorable. I love how strong you are, you and you family are in my thoughts daily. Thank you for sharing yours with us!
I always teased Wendy after I came out of an unmedicated delivery (she wanted to go unmedicated) about things my patient just did or made me do. Often the patients strip off their clothes and frolic about naked....I would say "Wendy,if start stripping, I am out of there!". Or when I had a patient doing gymnastics and hanging on me I told her "Wendy, if you put me in a choke hold, I am out of there".......she was always so cute in her responses like "oh Kristen, I don't strip, people always think I have an epidural because i am so quiet and calm". I would have been honored to have been her labor nurse even if she did strip or put me in a choke hold....that means I would have had more time with her. I would feel her belly every chance I got and sweet Maylee was always so active! I miss you two and I am sure you just had a fabulous heavenly birthday party!
What beautiful children you have! You're girls are precious! I know Maylee and Wendy are watching over you and your little ones! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! May God continue to comfort you and that you know He loves you!
I have been reading your posts since Wendy and Maylee passed away and I have to say that I have never had a dry eye. My heart hurts with yours. As many trials and heartaches I have had, they do not compare to yours. The pain of not only losing a loving wife, but also a beautiful baby is I am sure, unbearable. You amaze me at how strong you are and the way you write. I am sure Wendy is so proud of you as she has watched how you have handled this heartache and long suffering. its ok to hurt. Its ok to mourn. Its ok to be angry. It is all apart of healing. Just don't stay there too long. Keep moving. You will be so blessed by the way you've held your head high. I wish you much comfort and peace. And pray the pain in time will not be so heart wrenching and that you will once again find happiness. I know the pain will always be there... but I really do pray that the pain will ease in time! Hang in there... until you meet your beautiful wife and daughter again!
What beautiful pictures of your sweet children. You are doing so well as a family. I was reading your earlier post about how it physically hurts to miss her, and I just wanted to give you hope that it does get better. My dear husband passed away about 11 months ago and while I still miss him and think about him all the time it isn't such an intense pain, more of a dull ache. I also wanted to let you know that it is ok to just let things be for as long as you want to. I had to smile at your comment about her toothbrush because up until yesterday my husbands was sitting right next to mine. Do what feels right.
There is a facebook group of lds widows and widowers that you may want to look into. They do conferences with classes that are very helpful in the Bountiful UT area. They are very kind and supportive and understand in a way others can't. I just wanted to let you know about it.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/home.php?sk=group_43519568353
I will be praying for your little family and I hope you have a wonderful fathers day tomorrow. You certainly deserve it!
I was thinking about you and your family today and how much your story has touched me. I wanted to wish you a happy fathers day. You are an amazing inspiration to those reading. Your children are very lucky to have you as their dad. Happy Fathers Day!!
What an amazing post. thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I particularly love the pictures. You can totally see Wendy in your kids faces. I love that.
~Lindsay, a nurse from Riverton :)
Still praying daily for you and your sweet children. Wendy was a childhood friend of mine- she was amazing. These precious pictures of Maylee are so sweet.
You don't know me, but I first heard about your blog through your wife's mother. I'm so glad to hear that your family is doing ok. I love the pictures you posted. They are beautiful.
i have heard about this story from a friend... it is just heart wrenching. i love the picture of your 2 girls. i know you will treasure that forever. I know God only gives us as much as we can handle... you must be a strong person. may he be with you & your family through this difficult time!!
Denny, thank you for sharing your feelings. As hard as this is for you and your family, I am almost positive you are making a difference somewhere on this Earth.
Wendy and Maylee are absolutely beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss. I think about you and your family often, my heart hurts for you as well. You are such a strong husband/father and I know your two angels are very, very proud of you.
I don't know where to start. I just read your blog and I am so sorry for your loss. I have never met your family, nor do I know anyone that knows you yet my heart hurts so much for you. I am crying and crying and crying. You are in my prayers.
I was sent a link to your blog from another blog that I follow, I read your blog for the first time after your sweet Wendy & Maylee had passed, by the time I was done reading it tears were streaming down my face, I admire your incredible amount of faith, what an example you are, thank you for sharing your experience, I hope that you find some peace in writing but also know how much you strenghten those that read this blog. I wish there was words or things I could do or say to make it better but I will continue to pray for you and your sweet family. You have touched many lives through such a terribale tragedy. Wendy woudl be so proud of you. I know that someday you will get to be reunited with Wendy & Maylee as an eternal family never to be seperated again. Hang in there.
Denny, I am one of the many admirers that is also a stranger. I too work on a Labor & Delivery floor, and it is uncanny how many AWFUL things happen to L&D nurses. I appreciate your willingness to share your touching story with the world. It strengthens my testimony and for that....I THANK YOU!!!
Denny,
Commenting seems almost silly for me but I very much want you to know that the story you have and continue to share has touched me beyond anything I have ever felt.
I am currently outside of Utah and going to law school. At times I feel like it is the hardest thing I have done. I complain about the work, the time away from family, the hours in the library and so many more trivial things.
I was sitting in the library a few hours before my first final exam with my computer out trying to cram in every last bit of information I could...and came upon your blog via a link sent from a friend.
For the next 45 minutes I sat reading..... and doing everyting in my power not to break down and cry. I had to look out the window as my eyes filled up with tears so no one would see the weird mormon guy crying in the library.
In just a few short pages I came to know a man with a love for his wife beyond any I had ever known. I certain peace came over me; the nervousness of my upcoming exams went away, and all I could think about was my family......especially my wife.
This is a thank you post and though I cannot imagine the pain nor the feelings that you have each and every day I want you to know you have changed me. I have never looked at my wife the way I do now. The way you write about your wife and the love that you have for her is amazing. I hope and pray that my wife feels about me the same way I know your wife feels about you, and that I show her the type of love that is so evident and special in your writings.
Im sure blogging eases some of the pain and you feel it helps you in some way to cope, but you will never be able to know the help you give husbands like myself. You are an example of what a husband should be, and for that I am greatful to read your words.
Denny, thank you for keeping this blog and sharing your testimony, thoughts, and feelings on this blog. I hope it was okay, but I gave a talk today and shared some of the things you have said on the blog. My Bishop came up to me after the meeting and said one of his kids who is living in Utah shared your blog with him and he has been able to read it. Your testimony and story have touched so many people. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story so we all can learn from your example of having faith in our loving Heavenly Father.
Denny,
You don't know me, but I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your posts and how grateful I am that I came across your blog. Your story has touched my heart, and by you sharing your feelings I have grown as an individual. My heart aches for you. You are such an amazing example, I can't explain how much I look up to you. The way you have dealt with this whole experience is truly amazing. My only hope is that I can marry someone with the same christlike qualities as you. I know our Heavenly Father is proud of you. Thank you for your example to us all, I know it has strengthened my testimony greatly. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
My deepest sympathy in your loss. I lost my husband in November and it is so hard to go through that loss, I can't imagine losing a child as well. Know there is plenty of love and support for you, even when you feel your lowest.
I am a stranger that stumbled upon your blog... However I do remember reading a post on one of my friend's blog about your family.
As I read through your personal and sacred story I lost it when i got to "That day in May." That day in May is the day that our "rainbow baby" girl joined our family after losing our little boy a year earlier due to a cord accident. One baby girl leaving as one is coming... Our little babies are fulfilling missions that are so much more important than what they could do here on Earth. I am sure that your wife is too. What a great example she is and I have never even met her. Thank you for sharing your story. My prayers are with your family.
Alison
I am so sad that your family is going through this. Me and my two brothers lost our mom too, my brothers 7, 5 and me 3 years old. I know what you guys are going through, and when I read your blog I started feeling that pain again.Only you didn't only lost a mommy but also a sweet little angel. I know it hurts and sometimes we want to know why, but we just have to trust and have faith that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and he loves us. The pain will get better as you get closer to Heavenly Father and thanks to the knowledge of the gospel that we have we know that we can see our loved ones again. It doesn't end here. I like to think of my mom waiting for me to graduate from school (earth) and while I go through school she is waiting for me at home (above). So I just have to study (the gospel) so I can past my test(trials) and then graduate with honors so I can be rewarded eternal life with her again and all my family. My family and I send our love to you guys and we'll keep you in our prayers. And I know you don't know us but if there is anything we can do for you guys let us know. We are the Monroy family from Harvest Hills 3rd ward.
Hi, I've been sitting here in tears for the last hour having read about your beautiful wife. I live in Eagle Mountain and know a few people from you neighborhood. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I can't get one quote out of my mind. "Daddy, I'm sorry you lost your wife." Instantly brought tears. I haven't been to church in the last 10 years, but I do know for a fact that families are forever! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your little family!
You don't know me but we have gone through a similar experience. Though I am healthy, I gave birth to a baby 2 weeks and 1 day ago and she died shortly after being born. I can understand just a portion of your pain. You are an amazing person, and a great example!! You will be in our prayers.
Denny,
You dont know me, but I came across your blog and want you to know that your words have forever changed me. You have given me a stronger testimony that, God has a plan for us. You have taught me to appreciate every second I have with my loved ones. Thanks you so much for that. I think and pray about your family often, and wish you the best.
Denny,
I've commented before; Wendy was a dear childhood friend of mine. I have a daughter Evan's age, and Wendy and I met up shortly after he was born, where she expressed her great happiness about life and especially her family.
I'm not sure how to contact you besides this, but I feel prompted to write you.
Shortly before Wendy died, my dear uncle died. Both his and Wendy's passings were shocking to me. I struggled in my own way with both (I'm not comparing your deep hurt and loss to mine in any way!), and found the healing power of the Atonement in a talk I found.
I did a google search for "Brent L. Top, What is this Thing That Men Call Death" and downloaded a printable version. This address is from BYU education week, and is filled with peace and comfort. It gave me answers and hope that I was searching for.
I hate telling you about it this way. I wish I could send you a copy or deliver one as a friend would. Wendy was everything lovely and good; I'm sure she's so comfortable with her angel status.
I admire the faith you and your family have. Your posts have strengthened my testimony and great love for the Savior of the world. Hope this helps. My prayers are with you. Your (and Wendy's) friend, Natalie
I just wanted to let you know that you are still at the top of my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your insight and sweet testimony and faith.
I've never lost a spouse, but as you write about Maylee, I know all the feelings. I know the ache as you think about the milestones they would be reaching. Last month we were blessed with another baby, and now as grateful as we are, there is an ache to know how our daughter would react with her new little brother. Hang in there, isn't it wonderful families are forever? When the tears come I immediately think of this quote by Joseph B. Worthlin
"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."
A hundredfold. I cling to that.
-Ashley Sullenger
Dear Denny,
I wondered how you and your children were doing, and I tried to read your new posts, but my heart grieves for you so deeply and I cannot do it without weeping. So all I'll say is that I pray for you and your children - for God to bless you, every moment, with strength.
Your wife and daughter live in eternal glory with our King. They love you, and He loves you.
God bless you.
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