Solo Dad

Well, we are making it happen. Dallin started first grade and he is loving it so far. Kenna is in preschool and loves that too. It gives me some short times during the day when it is just me and little man… something that really never happened before… seems there was always at least one other kid around, so I have enjoyed just hanging out with him. They all seem to be doing well. They talk about things they remember doing with Mommy a lot and Mommy and Maylee are the main focus of every prayer, including those at meals. I don’t know fully what is going through their mind on this but they are happy little kids and enjoy life every day. I know the harder parts are to come. There are going to be those days and those huge events when they are just going to need their mom and that is when it will be at its toughest. There are those moments when I know Kenna is going to ache for what she doesn’t fully realize right now, I am not really sure how to handle those times, but I am trying to do my best to save little things and journals and notes so that she can always feel like she knows her some. The same goes for her boys. I want Dal and Evan to never wonder what kind of person their mom is so that some day when they are looking for a woman to share their life with they will know what to look for and how to treat her when they find that.

I don’t like the term single dad… I am not single. Before you are married you are single. I got married in the place I did knowing that there will never be a time when I am just single me again. I like to think of this time on earth as the solo trek… kind of like the old Mormon pioneers had a solo pull on the hand carts. There are significant differences there, however. First, Wendy is not in the Mormon battalion away serving her country and second, I am not a woman. Let’s keep those things straight. The rest of the analogy seems to apply in my head. There are days that are tougher than others and there has yet to be an “easy” day, but I am not too sure we are promised any of those. I do plan on being here for many more years and I don’t plan on those being all on my own. But that time will come, for now we figure out how the pioneers did the everyday stuff as the adventures of solo dad continue… yeah, it sounded so much cooler in my head… probably should have stayed there!?

There are a few essential lessons I have learned here as I try to figure out how to do what it takes to meet the needs of three kids, and I am willing to share with those who need a laugh at the incompetence I have realized I have. Yeah, go ahead and laugh, there are many times I could swear I could hear Wendy giggle or can just imagine her saying “Oh, Dear!”

• · Tangled… love the movie, hate the reality. There is nothing “fairy tale” about the knots that mysteriously appear in a little girl’s long blonde hair. Snarls really are the bane of my existence and the only weapon I have found is copious amounts of conditioner in the bath. I do hear the word detangler a lot… but it has not translated into a better tool yet. Dread locks are in style aren’t they… maybe we ought to investigate that option.

• · You know you have arrived as a father when you find yourself at social gatherings listening to the women talk about the tricks on how to do little girls hair rather than what the guys are talking about. Just some advice… don’t bring a note pad, they just think you are weird. Don’t judge me, I never played with dolls. The picture above is my first attempt at doing her hair nice without my neighbor doing it for me. Don't be too impressed, Wendy bought special curlers because they were simple.
  

• · Paper plates=less dishes=happy life. Sorry Mother Nature, Father Time wins out on this issue in just about every case. At least I use less water with the dish washer…right?

• · Del Taco: 49₵ Burritos. May not be too great for the body, but it is incredibly good for a solo dad’s mental health. Family of 4 can eat for under $3

• · Packing… to the husbands may I suggest a slight change in dialogue. Rather than saying “why do we need to pack the whole house for one weekend” say a much more accurate statement of “wow, I didn’t realize we needed that much stuff for one weekend, thanks for packing it dear” It is a more correct assessment and will make a 10 hour road trip immensely more enjoyable for you. Trust me, you will get more snacks passed to you by your navigator! Or you could try the packing yourself… you will never complain again!

• · While Pledge is a great way to polish finger prints off stainless steel (thanks for the tip Melissa) more pledge however doesn’t mean less work… it just translates to really slippery floors in front of the appliances.
• *** Health and Wellness side note: a generous layer of Pledge can help deter those late night cravings…unless you wear extra grip slippers!

• · Poop…its going to get on stuff, just accept that. When cleaning poop, however, it is best to clean the most mobile item…say… the two year old’s bare bottom before he scoots around while sitting on the carpet to get a closer look at his handy work. Believe me, the mound on the floor is not moving and will not spread on its own, I wish I could say as much for the 2 year old with skid marks! Come on, he just wants to help.

• · Irony: realizing just how often I yell up to my son to stop yelling at his sister.

• · I must admit, there is little I can think of in this Mr. mom world that men would do more efficiently, but I am sorry ladies, you have to admit that school drop off in the morning would be drastically better if only the guys were driving those drop off cars. I am sure there would be pads on the sidewalk for the kids to jump, tuck and roll from a safe speed of 5 mph… maybe even 10 mph if we are running behind, and the entire process would take a mere 3 minutes for all the cars to get through. There would be no girl in the minivan with a silly grin on her face holding up the line for 20 minutes while she watches her son pick flowers on his way into his class, we all know that car… just take a picture before you get there, the drop off lane is no place for sentiment.

• · Folded clothes in the dirty laundry… honestly? It’s not like the laundry isn’t already constantly growing, you gotta put clean clothes in there too?!

• · Finally, one of the most humbling lessons is finding yet another thing that Wendy did regularly that I didn’t know about and wishing I could tell her how much I appreciate her at least one more time. I love you, Wendy. I miss you.